Monday, January 31, 2011

Go away Mr. Monday

I'm still trying to recover from last Monday's adventures and we have things to do today.
Saturday night, I managed to force myself to go out to Buffalo Wild Wings with some great friends. A much smaller group than last Monday. I decided to have a couple beers to help drown the pain and to help me sleep. Well, I ended up sleeping until 6pm yesterday. It still didn't make up for all the fatigue unfortunately. But it was nice to spend another day in bed - instead of being awake and miserable with the chronic pain.
Today I'm going to pick up the books I reserved at the local public library. We're expecting a 30 inch + snow storm on Wednesday, so I want to be prepared just in case the cable and internet go out. I hate this weather and how much it's doing to my poor little body. I just keep waking up with less and less spoons each day, no matter what I do or don't do. It's disheartening to say the very least. Lately I've been waking up with sporks and slotted spoons, and they are completely useless.
This morning I had cereal for breakfast (I haven't had an actual breakfast in a long time) and it was too good to be true. Not long after, I ended up heaving it all into the trash can. I just cannot stand all this nausea and vomiting. Plus, the glands in my neck are swollen again and my throat is sore. Also have been really dizzy and extra tired. I'm worried that mono has come back to visit yet again. I am so sick of mono. And without medical insurance, I can't go check to be sure whether it is or not. :-(
I'll check back in later after we've finished our errands and such. Here's hoping I find extra spoons along the way today.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


Yesterday was a day full of horrible adventures.
10:00am Sonny's mom slipped on some water on the basement floor and landed on her right side, injuring her shoulder and ankle pretty bad. We were at the ER with her from 11am-2pm. Thank God nothing was broken or fractured!! She's bruised up and she sprained her shoulder and ankle. She'll be wearing a wrap and air cast on her ankle, and will be sporting a sling for her shoulder. She's very lucky that she didn't hit her head on the concrete floor.
So, with having yesterday start off low on spoons, I ventured through the ER fiasco and did 3 loads of laundry and tried to tidy up a bit. Went to bed at 10pm since Sonny had to work late.
And, today - well, today started at 2am when Sonny got home from work. I love that he kisses me when he gets home from work! I also love that he hung up a load of laundry for me and put the last load into the dryer for me since I fell asleep while it was running. But, alas sleep eluded me after he got home and I'm not sure why. I'm so dog-ass tired and just need some rest. I laid in bed until 7am hoping and praying to fall back asleep. At least my body got an extra 5 hours of rest (which isn't really resting when you're rolling, tossing and rocking the pain away).
So, I've made myself a pot of coffee and am praying for a miracle to happen. Luckily Sonny's mom is ok this morning and doesn't need any help with anything yet. She didn't sleep well either, but she did get rested so that's good.

Lately, I've been trying to put into words what I'm going through physically, and although I still can't quite explain it I've managed to write some of the feelings down as best I could:

Scattered thoughts and shattered dreams
Throughout my body the pain just screams
Raking razors along the bends
Sticking knives in with no end
Burning aches that last for days
Walking around in such a haze
Griping pain stealing breaths away

11:38am update:
Well, I've mostly finished all the laundry (I have one load left to hang/fold). I made breakfast, did all the dishes, made the bed, got dressed and I'm totally running on empty again. I may have to vegetate for a few hours in the recliner watching tv and praying to catch a nap.
I've got a really cool idea brewing for some necklaces. I'll have to wait and see if it will pan out before I spoil the surprise though. I'm enjoying the idea of small hobbies that I can handle and that people can help with if they are able. I'm blessed with some pretty outstanding friends! ;-)

Friday, January 28, 2011

Sucks trying to recover

Still trying to recover from my Monday. I slept all day Tuesday, some Wednesday, all day Thursday and I'm thinking that today will be another day stuck in bed. I have no energy and everything hurts so bad. I just wanna scream. I've forced myself to get up at least a couple times a day to drink and attempt to eat. But, my nausea is getting way worse. I just ate some pretzels. I hadn't eaten anything since a couple pretzels on Wednesday night. I'm hoping that this pain and nausea go away. There's like 10 inches of snow outside though, so chances are slim to none that I'll get any relief soon.
Clay has been off school for the third day in a row today. I'm sure he's loving it more than words can say. I just wish I were feeling good enough to play with him. I hate seeing that sad little face of his when I'm feeling worse than usual.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Another rough day

Well, the winters in Maryland are not nice. It's snowing and it's so painful to live through. The aches get worse, the fatigue is horrendous, and I just want to get better. A lot of people love the snow...I used to be one of them. It is very pretty, but the changes in temperature and air pressure are too much for my poor little body to deal with.
I don't have medical coverage, so I'm living with Lupus, Fibromyalgia and a handful of other problems because of my auto-immune problems. There are so many medications that I should be taking, but I can't afford them. I have been unemployed since June 8, 2010, and I am waiting on a determination for Disability. I started getting sick in December 2009 and it's been a downhill battle since then. Everything has gotten more painful, more tiring and easy tasks are frustratingly hard to do most days.
I have to use cups with lids because I never know if I'll be able to hold onto my cup. I spend my days cooped up in the house in my warm pajamas. On the days that I go out to see people, I'm miserable and try not to show it. I love getting out of the house, but I know that I will inevitably spend the next few days in bed because of it.
Thank God I have a loving, understanding and supportive boyfriend. The littlest things mean so much to me. I've learned to cherish simple things so much more since I've gotten sick. My boyfriend has shown me that there are caring people out there in this crazy "me driven" world.
It's 5:30 in the morning and I really should be sleeping. But, my sleep schedule isn't always a set one. There are times where I am up for three days, deliriously tired and cannot sleep. Other times I can sleep for two days straight and still be tired. Either way, I'm tired all the time and I don't think I'll ever get used to that.
Here's hoping that I can get some rest this week. I honestly thought I'd be able to sleep a lot more than I have since I used more than my alloted "spoons" on Monday to get a ton of errands done, and to go out for a friend's birthday celebration. Monday started at 8:00am for me and didn't end until 2:00am on Tuesday. It was a horribly excruciating day.
1:52pm addition
I slept almost all day yesterday, and thought I'd be in bed til tomorrow sometime, but here I am still awake and aching horribly with a pounding headache and major chest pains. I can't tell how much of this is/could be from the possible sinus cold I have right now. I just know that nothing is working, and that if I sneeze or cough one more time my chest and face will explode. Owwww.