Sunday, May 29, 2011

Prednisone sucks

Ok, so I started my 10mg morning Prednisone regimen on Tuesday. It's not keeping me awake or alert, and is just barely keeping my joints comfortable. My muscles are so tight and achy that it's near impossible to manage at this point. I keep (foolishly) pushing myself to do more and more; and I suffer the consequences horribly.
But, there have also been a few nights that my Lunesta hasn't worked to put me asleep, and I toss and turn for 4-6 hours...only to give up and watch Netflix. I'm just getting so tired of everything. I'm losing the little bit of patience that I had held onto thus far.
My insurance company has denied 4 out of the 6 prescriptions that my doctors have written for me. I just can't believe that the stuff that's going to make me feel better is apparently forbidden. So, how in the world am I to get any relief at all??? This is just getting out of control. I just want to feel better.

Tuesday on the boat was the first day in 8 months that I was not nauseous at all. Go figure!! That is just so inanely jacked up! I can't even wrap my head around that one.

Well, my hands are cramping up pretty bad, so once again I must cut my blog short. I'll try to post an update later on with more details on how things have been going.

Love and spoons to all!!!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Stupid New Medications

New medications and feeling better are not synonymous unfortunately.

So, I started Cymbalta for its analgesic properties, and to hopefully alleviate some symptoms of my depression. I also started Savella for the Fibromyalgia. I'm on the loading dosages right now, and it's just not making me feel any better. My muscle relaxant needs approval, so I'm screwed there. And, my Lunesta prescription is not covered without my doctor trying other meds first. I did acquire a 'tens' machine though, and am finding it harder to use unless Sonny is here to hook me up to it.

So, the dry heaving is worse than ever, and I'm not getting any better with sleeping regularly. My pain has not let up, and has somehow gotten worse with the fierce rainy weather we've had lately. Plus, the two trips to the ER I had last week were just way too much for my poor body to handle. All that chest pain was just really scary. Worst thing is, they aren't sure what's causing it. My heart and lungs are fine thank God.

But, I'm seeing Sonny less and less these days since he's busier and busier. He has a life outside of this house, and I just wish I did as well. I'd love to go see my friends and visit with them...or to go out with the girls for a night of fun and chatter. I just feel like I'm slipping further into the shadows with each passing day. I'm not me anymore, and I can't figure out what I can do to hold onto any aspect of who I used to be. It's so hard to describe and explain to my friends that aren't Spoonies like me. I don't think they'd ever understand.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My life is falling apart more and more

So, next Monday is my court date for the bank. I owe them loads of money since they repossessed my truck and the auction didn't cover the full amount of the loan. And, I'm between a rock and a hard place. I mean, had they just sent me the disability paperwork I requested numerous times before things got bad last summer, I wouldn't be in this mess. Then, their attorney is denying my defense because I didn't fill out the appropriate paperwork for it. Well, I haven't exactly got the energy or motivation for paperwork. MD Legal Aid won't help me without information for income on all people living in this house. Sonny's family lets me stay here bc I have no where else to go. So, why is their generosity a negative for this? It's stupid. I have zero income from work, because I can't physically work. I have faulty mental capabilities, and major memory problems. I'm just stunned at how much this illness keeps taking away from me. At this point, I'm ready to just NOT go to the court date. So what if they say they'll take my possessions? I do not own a vehicle, house, bank account, etc... So, they are more than welcome to take those things. I'm just frustrated beyond belief at how bad things have gotten. How can being sick be anything but stressing, depressing, and frustrating?

Oh well. I've got a man who loves me the way that I love him - which is beyond words. He's the only thing that gets me through each and every aggravating day.